Friday, June 1, 2012
Simple mistakes, Big apologies
I'm not sure that this will make any sense but I just feel the need to write this down. So many times God speaks to me and I can't find the words or the time to express it for others. Other times, I don't dare to say what's on my mind because too many people would be offended or take it the wrong way. Unfortunately, that is part of the story of my life. It is so hard to articulate things without offending someone. Perhaps if we all kept in mind that very few statements are universal, we'd assume that when someone speaks, they know that what they're saying has exceptions and has to be applied with caution. Even in the Bible, somethings are universal and meant literally as they are stated, while others are meant to be considered in the context of their occurrence.
God loves you. Jesus died for you. God created you for a purpose. Jesus was the Son of God who lived a sinless life on Earth. These are all universal statements. They are always true. They don't need context or careful wording. There are no exceptions to which these statements do not apply.
Fortunately, I don't see anyway that what God has shown me in the last few days could offend anyone. (This is not a challenge for someone to find the offense in what I'm about to share.) :) So, here you go. I'll do my best to articulate what it is that I found so interesting. I'll begin by giving you the situations through which these stories occurred.
In early May, I attended a homeschool conference in Arlington. While there I purchased almost all of the supplies that I need for the next school year. At one booth, I purchased a large amount of materials and paid cash for them. Now, several weeks later, I realized that I had never received the shipment or any contact from the company. I thought of it for several days before I finally took the time to dig out my receipt. Finally, just this week I called the company. At first the conversation was a normal customer service call with their representative trying to figure out my order. Then suddenly the lady says, "I'm so glad you have finally called, we've been praying that we'd hear from you." She explained that at the convention the young man who took my order had fillled out all the paperwork and taken my cash payment but had not gotten my name, address, or any other contact info. They new someone had made a very large cash purchase but had no idea who to send it too. They were all praying that God would prompt me to call them. I remembered that the young man had made a few errors on the order form and decided to start over on a new page. Obviously, he forgot to copy down my info at the top. She apologized and they are sending my order right away. NO BIG DEAL. Really, it's just homeschool materials and I don't need them until August. Of course, it would be bad if I never got them because it's a lot of money, but no real harm done.
Last night my phone rang with an unknown number. I answered it and it was the young man who had taken my order at that convention. He explained that he had been praying that I'd call ever since he realized that my info wasn't on the form. He felt just aweful about it and hoped he hadn't caused us any inconvenience or messed up our schedule or any thing else. I assured him that it was no problem. That he hadn't caused me any issues and I hadn't even thought of it until this last week. He was so kind and so apologetic. He just wanted me to know that he took full responsibility for the error and wanted to apologize. I thanked him for his kindness and for being so polite but assured him that it was nothing to worry about.
Now, last night was a long one. We were just busy all day. At 10pm, Raegan, Floyd, and I strolled into Whataburger to get some food real quick because we hadn't eaten in about 9 hours (Floyd hadn't actually eaten since the day before). For some reason, the place was packed. We placed our order and sat down to wait. We started to notice that people who came in way after us were getting their food. Just as we thought we should go ask, a gentleman came by the table looking confused. He asked what we had ordered. It became clear that he had half of our order but the rest was missing. Another server had given our food to someone with a similar order by mistake. He took our receipt and said he'd be back with our food. Of course, it took a little while because they had to re-make everything. When he returned, he had the food we ordered plus lots of other stuff. Several pies, cookies, and extra fries. He kept apologizing and asking if he could get us anything else. Not long after he walked away, he came back again to apologize. This time he gave us a gift for our next visit. Two free meals with desserts.
At this point, I'm asking Floyd, "what's with people being so apologetic today?" Suddenly it hit me. As I sat there, it was as if God was speaking to me through these situations. He reminded me that many times we get frustrated or mad because someone makes an honest mistake. We blow it out of proportion, like they just committed a heinous crime or something. I admit, I'm very non-confrontational, so I'm most likely never going to say anything if someone messes up. But that doesn't mean I won't think something harsh in my mind. Also, I see plenty of people who do go irate over simple things.
We always think about showing the love of Christ in our actions but I never thought about showing Christ in the way I apologize. Of course, I've thought about it for big mistakes but not simple ones. If I make a simple mistake, the way I own up to it, apologize, and try to make it right is a way of showing Christ in me. We know we're not perfect but that doesn't excuse us when we do mess up. We should take that opportunity to humble ourselves to others. These situations where someone made a simple mistake will stick out in my mind because they went out of their way to apologize and make it right. If, as Christians, we are supposed to stand out against the ways of the world, sincere apologies and ownership of our mistakes seems like a great way to stand out.
Both of these men went to extremes to apologize. They made no excuses, just wanted to make things right. None of it was necessary but it certainly stood out. As I said, I'm not likely to forge it. It made me pause to wonder what had gotten into them. Isn't that what we want people to do? To pause long enough to find out what's gotten into us. Then hopefully we'll have the opportunity to share that Christ is what's gotten into us.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Great joy
While Texans always joke about the odd weather here, I think this winter is even more odd than most of us could ever expect. I call it winter loosely, as the middle son has been in sleeveless shirts, shorts, and sandals all week. I'm taking a moment now to jot down a couple of moments that have brought me great joy and touched my heart this week.I don't want to forget them, so here is the place I'll come back to look some day.
Yesterday, we had CC. The kids are all in the afternoon writing and grammar class that I teach. We had 8 students and 4 parents in the room and the temperature was high. I had not dressed for summer because it was January 31 and I hardly ever remember to check the weather forecast. By the end of class, I just wanted to escape the heat. Now, it's pretty common knowledge that I'm normally cold, so you can imagine that it was quite warm for me to be so miserable.
After class the kids and I walked to the car and this is where the moment of joy occurred. I dropped my bag in the trunk and turned toward the slight breeze in the air. It felt amazing! I stretched my hands up and said, "isn't this amazing. It feels so good." the kids quickly agreed. And then it happened. Out of nowhere, the girlchild raises both hands up in the air and begins to praise. She says, "thank you Lord for this beautiful weather..." and continued quite loudly. One of the boys yells out, "Amen" and the other joins in with a "hallelujah." at first I thought, "you silly kids" because I thought they were just kidding but just as quickly I realized they were totally serious. Immediately I thought, " why didn't I think of that?" and then, "thank you Father that they praise you so easily and unashamedly." Of course a lady that we didn't know happened to be walking to her car at just that moment, parked right next to us. The look on her face was a bit interesting. She wasn't really sure what to think.
The entire moment was a gift from God. He showed me that inspite of all my failures, my kids have learned one of the most important lessons in life. To praise Him in the small things, the everyday things; not just at church on Sunday, not just when major things happen, or prayers are answered; but when the weather is just right and the breeze is a welcomed respite after a sweaty writing class. Thank you, Father!
The second thing was just a silly conversation today. Again, it was a warm temp for February 1st. As we drove to our field trip the kids and I were discussing the weather. The girlchild was describing the fact that it's like summer during winter right now. I threw out a thought, "let's hope that this doesn't mean it will be winter during the summer." The youngest replies, "we'll call it swinter," then the girl says, "no, wummer," and I said, "bummer would be more like it." for some reason this entire conversation was so funny to all of us. I love the random silly things that we talk about. Especially because they are mixed in with some of the most meaningful conversations as we all learn to love our Lord and draw closer to Him.
Yesterday, we had CC. The kids are all in the afternoon writing and grammar class that I teach. We had 8 students and 4 parents in the room and the temperature was high. I had not dressed for summer because it was January 31 and I hardly ever remember to check the weather forecast. By the end of class, I just wanted to escape the heat. Now, it's pretty common knowledge that I'm normally cold, so you can imagine that it was quite warm for me to be so miserable.
After class the kids and I walked to the car and this is where the moment of joy occurred. I dropped my bag in the trunk and turned toward the slight breeze in the air. It felt amazing! I stretched my hands up and said, "isn't this amazing. It feels so good." the kids quickly agreed. And then it happened. Out of nowhere, the girlchild raises both hands up in the air and begins to praise. She says, "thank you Lord for this beautiful weather..." and continued quite loudly. One of the boys yells out, "Amen" and the other joins in with a "hallelujah." at first I thought, "you silly kids" because I thought they were just kidding but just as quickly I realized they were totally serious. Immediately I thought, " why didn't I think of that?" and then, "thank you Father that they praise you so easily and unashamedly." Of course a lady that we didn't know happened to be walking to her car at just that moment, parked right next to us. The look on her face was a bit interesting. She wasn't really sure what to think.
The entire moment was a gift from God. He showed me that inspite of all my failures, my kids have learned one of the most important lessons in life. To praise Him in the small things, the everyday things; not just at church on Sunday, not just when major things happen, or prayers are answered; but when the weather is just right and the breeze is a welcomed respite after a sweaty writing class. Thank you, Father!
The second thing was just a silly conversation today. Again, it was a warm temp for February 1st. As we drove to our field trip the kids and I were discussing the weather. The girlchild was describing the fact that it's like summer during winter right now. I threw out a thought, "let's hope that this doesn't mean it will be winter during the summer." The youngest replies, "we'll call it swinter," then the girl says, "no, wummer," and I said, "bummer would be more like it." for some reason this entire conversation was so funny to all of us. I love the random silly things that we talk about. Especially because they are mixed in with some of the most meaningful conversations as we all learn to love our Lord and draw closer to Him.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
it's official
I have so many things that I haven't had time to put down on paper yet but this week, a few specific things have come into my mind so many times I can no longer hold off on sharing.
Although the kids have been forced to do multiplication tables, handwriting, and other "school" things all summer, this week was officially our first week of homeschool (yes, I'm aware that public school doesn't start until next week but guess what, we're not in public school). The kids and I have been very productive. On the VERY FIRST DAY God blessed me in this endeavor. The day started off a little less organized than I expected, so I had the kids sit at the table and begin reading any book of their choice. I set a timer for 20 minutes and began to gather the few things I realized were not where I needed them (the best part is that the kids just thought this was the plan). For the last few minutes, I even sat down and started reading a book of my own. When the timer went off, I asked each child to share what they had been reading about. Troy was so excited to share I had to cut him off and make him wait his turn. When it was finally his turn, he said, "this is very interesting." I assumed he meant the story but he continued, "this is the first chapter book I've ever tried to read by myself. I love it. It's better than a picture book. You can picture it in your mind and imagine what it would be like. You don't just have to look at their picture. You make your own." So then I asked what he was picturing and the conversation continued.
Now, if you recall, Troy has struggled since 1st grade with reading and every other area of school. I can't even express the feeling of hearing him talk about reading in such a positive way. To top it off, when we finished our morning lessons and broke for lunch, he shocked me even further. He inquired, "so this is free time?" He wasn't quite sure he believed it, so he asked more specifically, "so can I read my book?" Of course I said yes. The entire time I cooked and Raegan and Tyler scammered around Troy sat at the table reading. He was totally engulfed by the book! He was so excited about his new found pleasure that every time he reached a new chapter, he would announce it to anyone in hearing range. And that was just the first day.
Tuesday we got started on time without any delays. We are beginning each day with a Bible lesson. I wasn't really sure how to approach it so back in July I just asked the kids what they were interested in. They unanimously agreed that they would like to read the whole Bible from beginnning to end. So, that's what were doing. We take turns reading. We read the extras in our NIV study Bible. Then to close each day, I read the exact same passages from our King James version. It is a great opportunity for the kids to hear the Old English and it brings up great vocabulary lessons. When they ask what a word means, I ask them to think back to what words the NIV used for the same scripture. Then we discuss the new word and look it up in other sources.
Wednesday brought another new surprise. In the morning, I was going over the days schedule with the kids. I explained that I had to tutor a student at 2:30 (usually it's later but that day was an exception). I told them that if they finished all of their lessons before I had to leave, then we would go to the library when I got home. There was literally jumping and verbal excitement. They worked hard and wouldn't let me forget that they were going to the library when I returned from tutoring. The boys checked out 3 books and Raegan got 4. Mind you, all of Raegan's books are at least 1.5-2 inches thick but I had to convince her that 4 books was enough for just 2 weeks.
Today (Thursday) was great as well. The kids worked hard to get done early again because they wanted to do a long bike ride. We finished almost everything by lunch. After lunch they each did the one thing they had left and then we headed out for our bike ride. We rode for 1.5 hours (with a few pauses and a short break at our turn around point). The kids did a great job. At one point, we had to make a sharp turn (basically a U-turn) to stay on the trail. I was leading the way, so when I turned I looked up to see how far back the last kid was. When I looked back at my path, it was too late. My front tire was already going off the trail and into a rut. It happened very quickly. The best description is that I completely wiped out. I was flat on the concrete. Thankfully, I was only about 40 years from our break spot at a shadey picnic table. We rested about 15 minutes and hit the road to return home. It was so hot! (it was 3pm, if that gives you any idea). I really wanted to vomit! I've often seen people at the end of a run or hard workout bent over, letting it all go. But I've never experienced that. I've never even had nausea or anything. This was a new experience for me. I just prayed for God to get me home before I lost it. Once we got to our neighborhood, the kids knew the way. They pedaled on at their own pace and I just took it moment by moment. Tyler and I rode up the drive way about the same time and I had made it. Once we got inside, the nausea just left me. We had made it! I'm feeling the bruises now. :)
I guess the point of all this is just that I'm seeing this pathway unfold little by little and I'm already loving it! The boys are excited every time they finish a lesson successfully and I'm excited to be there with them. We're all learning so much. In two days I've learned all about Charles V, who was king of 3 different countries (at the exact same time) by the age of 16. It's an interesting story, so if you have no idea what I'm talking about, look it up. I also learned all about Phillip II, Charles' son and Ferdinand, Charles' uncle. They both inherited parts of Charles' empire when he stepped down from the throne. And we learned all about the encomiendas that granted Spanish Conquistadores the right to go to South America and take all the gold. These were granted by Phillip II.
Life is different now but I'm loving it!
One more side note: we have decided to down size and begin getting rid of things we don't need. God has put a lot on our hearts and we want to be obedient. So, on Monday Floyd listed our pool table on Craig's List (yes, our beautiful 8 foot pool table with claw feet). The very next day a man came by and bought it. He actually bought the pool table, the racks, all accessories and both sets of pub tables and stools. The kids and I now have a huge empty room for homeschool and when we eventually downsize our living space, we'll have less stuff to worry about. This is just the beginning!!!
Although the kids have been forced to do multiplication tables, handwriting, and other "school" things all summer, this week was officially our first week of homeschool (yes, I'm aware that public school doesn't start until next week but guess what, we're not in public school). The kids and I have been very productive. On the VERY FIRST DAY God blessed me in this endeavor. The day started off a little less organized than I expected, so I had the kids sit at the table and begin reading any book of their choice. I set a timer for 20 minutes and began to gather the few things I realized were not where I needed them (the best part is that the kids just thought this was the plan). For the last few minutes, I even sat down and started reading a book of my own. When the timer went off, I asked each child to share what they had been reading about. Troy was so excited to share I had to cut him off and make him wait his turn. When it was finally his turn, he said, "this is very interesting." I assumed he meant the story but he continued, "this is the first chapter book I've ever tried to read by myself. I love it. It's better than a picture book. You can picture it in your mind and imagine what it would be like. You don't just have to look at their picture. You make your own." So then I asked what he was picturing and the conversation continued.
Now, if you recall, Troy has struggled since 1st grade with reading and every other area of school. I can't even express the feeling of hearing him talk about reading in such a positive way. To top it off, when we finished our morning lessons and broke for lunch, he shocked me even further. He inquired, "so this is free time?" He wasn't quite sure he believed it, so he asked more specifically, "so can I read my book?" Of course I said yes. The entire time I cooked and Raegan and Tyler scammered around Troy sat at the table reading. He was totally engulfed by the book! He was so excited about his new found pleasure that every time he reached a new chapter, he would announce it to anyone in hearing range. And that was just the first day.
Tuesday we got started on time without any delays. We are beginning each day with a Bible lesson. I wasn't really sure how to approach it so back in July I just asked the kids what they were interested in. They unanimously agreed that they would like to read the whole Bible from beginnning to end. So, that's what were doing. We take turns reading. We read the extras in our NIV study Bible. Then to close each day, I read the exact same passages from our King James version. It is a great opportunity for the kids to hear the Old English and it brings up great vocabulary lessons. When they ask what a word means, I ask them to think back to what words the NIV used for the same scripture. Then we discuss the new word and look it up in other sources.
Wednesday brought another new surprise. In the morning, I was going over the days schedule with the kids. I explained that I had to tutor a student at 2:30 (usually it's later but that day was an exception). I told them that if they finished all of their lessons before I had to leave, then we would go to the library when I got home. There was literally jumping and verbal excitement. They worked hard and wouldn't let me forget that they were going to the library when I returned from tutoring. The boys checked out 3 books and Raegan got 4. Mind you, all of Raegan's books are at least 1.5-2 inches thick but I had to convince her that 4 books was enough for just 2 weeks.
Today (Thursday) was great as well. The kids worked hard to get done early again because they wanted to do a long bike ride. We finished almost everything by lunch. After lunch they each did the one thing they had left and then we headed out for our bike ride. We rode for 1.5 hours (with a few pauses and a short break at our turn around point). The kids did a great job. At one point, we had to make a sharp turn (basically a U-turn) to stay on the trail. I was leading the way, so when I turned I looked up to see how far back the last kid was. When I looked back at my path, it was too late. My front tire was already going off the trail and into a rut. It happened very quickly. The best description is that I completely wiped out. I was flat on the concrete. Thankfully, I was only about 40 years from our break spot at a shadey picnic table. We rested about 15 minutes and hit the road to return home. It was so hot! (it was 3pm, if that gives you any idea). I really wanted to vomit! I've often seen people at the end of a run or hard workout bent over, letting it all go. But I've never experienced that. I've never even had nausea or anything. This was a new experience for me. I just prayed for God to get me home before I lost it. Once we got to our neighborhood, the kids knew the way. They pedaled on at their own pace and I just took it moment by moment. Tyler and I rode up the drive way about the same time and I had made it. Once we got inside, the nausea just left me. We had made it! I'm feeling the bruises now. :)
I guess the point of all this is just that I'm seeing this pathway unfold little by little and I'm already loving it! The boys are excited every time they finish a lesson successfully and I'm excited to be there with them. We're all learning so much. In two days I've learned all about Charles V, who was king of 3 different countries (at the exact same time) by the age of 16. It's an interesting story, so if you have no idea what I'm talking about, look it up. I also learned all about Phillip II, Charles' son and Ferdinand, Charles' uncle. They both inherited parts of Charles' empire when he stepped down from the throne. And we learned all about the encomiendas that granted Spanish Conquistadores the right to go to South America and take all the gold. These were granted by Phillip II.
Life is different now but I'm loving it!
One more side note: we have decided to down size and begin getting rid of things we don't need. God has put a lot on our hearts and we want to be obedient. So, on Monday Floyd listed our pool table on Craig's List (yes, our beautiful 8 foot pool table with claw feet). The very next day a man came by and bought it. He actually bought the pool table, the racks, all accessories and both sets of pub tables and stools. The kids and I now have a huge empty room for homeschool and when we eventually downsize our living space, we'll have less stuff to worry about. This is just the beginning!!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
random reflections of the day
Today was our final preparation meeting for Uganda! We got our MRE's and last minute details. It's all so exciting. At this point last year, we were all funded for our different trips. This year, there are lots of reasons that make it more difficult for people to give. We know times are hard, heck I get my LAST pay check tomorrow. We definitely relate to financial uncertainty. I have no idea where the remaining $2730 will come from but I trust that God has a plan. Just like He has a plan for my family, He has a plan in Uganda. There are people there waiting to hear about their Savior! Their salvation is hanging in the balance. While I haven't experienced this before, I just know it is true. I know that great works are in preparation.
So many members of our team are still struggling to get funding and most of us do not have bank accounts that would easily give up a couple thousand dollars. I truely believe that this is all part of the preparation. Many conversations have been about "what if?" What if I don't get my funding? The unanimous response has been, "I will lay down everything I have in order to board that plane!" WOW!!! It reminds me of Abraham and Isaac (how fitting because Floyd has been working on his sermon for the Sunday that he'll be preaching at one of the churches in Uganda and it's about Abraham and Isaac). Abraham had to show God that he was willing to lay down everything. He laid down that which was most dear to him. Abraham was asked for way more than any of us!
Just when Abraham was ready to strike, God stepped in. He sent a ram to be sacrificed. He knew that he had all of Abraham. Genesis 22:14 says "So Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh..." Jehovah-jireh means The Lord Will Provide. What a fitting name! I have called upon that name so many times in my life. Yet I realize that I have never called on that name in the midst of starvation or from the side of a street with no place to go or from a bottomless pit of despair. In my little world, I've always had food, shelter, extra clothes, many pairs of shoes, a vehicle, electricity, running water, etc. I believe I could go on for a while. So, the question is, "does God have all of me?" Am I willing to lay down everything. To take up my cross and follow him (Mat 16:24, Mar 8:34, Luke 9:23) or to sell all of my possessions, give it to the poor, and follow him (Mar 10:21)? I would sure like to hope so.
Floyd and I are at a point where we are going to learn by experience in relying on God. While I'm a bit terrified, I am trusting "unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us" Ephesians 3:20. I have to trust that if God asked me to homeschool, he'll provide everything that is necessary. If he told us to go to Uganda, he'll provide all that is necessary. Whatever he asks, we must be willing to respond and trust that he will provide in his perfect time. It's difficult because I'd like to see at least a little distance up the road but I've literally got nothing! I can tell you that somehow I'm going to end up on a plane to Uganda in less than 13 days and 2 weeks after that, I'll be home. At that point, I'll begin homeschooling "officially." Every other detail is completely up in the air! Can you imagine knowing so little about your own future? People have vacations planned for further in the future than that. (I guess I misspoke, I also know that I'm scheduled on the tech team for 3 weeks after I return ;) That really is all the vision I've got!) How will God provide in the coming months? All I know is that it will be a great story of his provision. I only hope that Floyd and I can hold on and not mess things up by trying to "make things happen" ourselves. We can be a little controlling from time to time. ;)
I pray that everyone allows themselves to trust God, respond to His callings, and experience the joy and blessing of generosity! With such a great example set before us, we must realize that when our hands are open, they are eagerly giving but are also readily in the position to receive. Not to receive money or greater wealth. To receive greater joy, peace, and pleasure in a difficult world. God does not take our generosity lightly. When our hands are open, so is our heart and mind. He is able to do great work in us and through us!
So, I have no idea where this all came from and I'm not even sure that it is comprehensible but I hope you got something out of it, if you've read this far. Bottom line: God loves me, God loves you, God is our hope, our savior, our mighty fortress! In Him we can put our trust!
So many members of our team are still struggling to get funding and most of us do not have bank accounts that would easily give up a couple thousand dollars. I truely believe that this is all part of the preparation. Many conversations have been about "what if?" What if I don't get my funding? The unanimous response has been, "I will lay down everything I have in order to board that plane!" WOW!!! It reminds me of Abraham and Isaac (how fitting because Floyd has been working on his sermon for the Sunday that he'll be preaching at one of the churches in Uganda and it's about Abraham and Isaac). Abraham had to show God that he was willing to lay down everything. He laid down that which was most dear to him. Abraham was asked for way more than any of us!
Just when Abraham was ready to strike, God stepped in. He sent a ram to be sacrificed. He knew that he had all of Abraham. Genesis 22:14 says "So Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh..." Jehovah-jireh means The Lord Will Provide. What a fitting name! I have called upon that name so many times in my life. Yet I realize that I have never called on that name in the midst of starvation or from the side of a street with no place to go or from a bottomless pit of despair. In my little world, I've always had food, shelter, extra clothes, many pairs of shoes, a vehicle, electricity, running water, etc. I believe I could go on for a while. So, the question is, "does God have all of me?" Am I willing to lay down everything. To take up my cross and follow him (Mat 16:24, Mar 8:34, Luke 9:23) or to sell all of my possessions, give it to the poor, and follow him (Mar 10:21)? I would sure like to hope so.
Floyd and I are at a point where we are going to learn by experience in relying on God. While I'm a bit terrified, I am trusting "unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us" Ephesians 3:20. I have to trust that if God asked me to homeschool, he'll provide everything that is necessary. If he told us to go to Uganda, he'll provide all that is necessary. Whatever he asks, we must be willing to respond and trust that he will provide in his perfect time. It's difficult because I'd like to see at least a little distance up the road but I've literally got nothing! I can tell you that somehow I'm going to end up on a plane to Uganda in less than 13 days and 2 weeks after that, I'll be home. At that point, I'll begin homeschooling "officially." Every other detail is completely up in the air! Can you imagine knowing so little about your own future? People have vacations planned for further in the future than that. (I guess I misspoke, I also know that I'm scheduled on the tech team for 3 weeks after I return ;) That really is all the vision I've got!) How will God provide in the coming months? All I know is that it will be a great story of his provision. I only hope that Floyd and I can hold on and not mess things up by trying to "make things happen" ourselves. We can be a little controlling from time to time. ;)
I pray that everyone allows themselves to trust God, respond to His callings, and experience the joy and blessing of generosity! With such a great example set before us, we must realize that when our hands are open, they are eagerly giving but are also readily in the position to receive. Not to receive money or greater wealth. To receive greater joy, peace, and pleasure in a difficult world. God does not take our generosity lightly. When our hands are open, so is our heart and mind. He is able to do great work in us and through us!
So, I have no idea where this all came from and I'm not even sure that it is comprehensible but I hope you got something out of it, if you've read this far. Bottom line: God loves me, God loves you, God is our hope, our savior, our mighty fortress! In Him we can put our trust!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wrestling with God...
This is LONG but I ask that you keep reading because in my little world, this is BIG, actually HUGE!
Wrestling with God…anyone that goes to my church has heard that phrase more times this year than probably in their entire lives combined. My church has been on a journey of growth and change for quite a while and this year it really went big with the Movement to Multiply. The underlying point is a capital campaign to pay off debt and enable the church to grow out in abundance. In order to reach people for Christ, we must grow out, so it makes perfect sense. So Bruce (our senior pastor) began to ask everyone to commit to a deeper level of communication with God for a time period of 2 weeks. During this time you were to pray about how God might want you to be involved in this movement. Bruce called this “wrestling with God” and mentioned the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32.
Of course, Bruce had no idea that I’d been wrestling with God for months already! Back in January, I reached the point of total loss in how to help my son succeed in school. Driving from Sherman to McKinney is a long trip, so I decided that I’d drive in complete silence and listen for God to speak to me. I cried out, “Lord, my ideas are all gone; you have to tell me exactly what to do for my son!” (If you don’t know the background of my son, just know that school has always been a struggle for him and he’s 10 now.) As I drove along in silence, I was literally crying and waiting for God to speak to me. Now, I’ve prayed many times before and have felt the hands of God but I wouldn’t say that I’m really good at discerning His voice. Suddenly, more clear than at any other time in my life, God told me to homeschool my children (not just this son, all 3 children). Of course, I immediately began to argue with Him and doubt my sanity.
And thus began my adventure; my wrestling with God.
I have always worked. I’m a teacher because that’s what God told me to do. How could I stay home? We NEED my income! After moments of arguing and doubting, a name popped in my head; it was a friend from church (not a close friend but someone that I respected and would love to be better friends with). I didn’t even think I had her number. Finally, I checked my contacts and found her husband’s name. After a few more minutes of arguing, I dialed the number. Sure enough, she answered! She probably thought I was crazy. All I remember is telling her that God told me to call her and crying. She was so great! I gave her a little bit of the story and we made plans to get together the next week.
This friend gave me all sorts of information and committed to joining me in prayer about the situation. Since then, we’ve become better friends and I look forward to growing together. Also, I enlisted another friend (really a sister, just not biologically) to pray for this situation as well. I don’t have sufficient words to express my gratitude for their support and encouragement in this journey!
Surely I had lost my mind or hallucinated. I have a tendency to be extreme in everything, so maybe God just wanted me to make my kids a bigger priority and give up other commitments. Believe me; I looked for every possible way that I could have misunderstood God’s direction. I began to read a book called “Discerning the Voice of God,” started the study “Called and Accountable,” and prayed with everything I had. I really needed to know for sure that I had heard God.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to homeschool my kids. I know it would be good for them but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. What if I failed them? Could I really be organized and diligent enough to educate 3 children on my own? And of course, there’s that one HUGE problem. We NEED my income! At the point that this wrestling with God began, Floyd didn’t even have a job. Now he has a job and God has been gracious but it still couldn’t meet our needs on its own (at least not on paper).
All through my efforts to figure this out, the direction never changed. In fact, it just became more and more clear. God wants me to homeschool my kids. While Floyd knew that I was praying about this, I hadn’t really told him the depth of this issue. I was being tormented! That’s the best way I can describe it. My mind never had a moment’s peace! Finally, I had to tell him. I needed him to pray hard because I needed God to give him the answer. He’s the head of the house and God uses our spouses to communicate with us. I needed Floyd to be in this conversation. This is not a decision I could make on my own.
Meanwhile, the church wanted us to wrestle with God about the movement to multiply. To be frank, I really didn’t want another thing to wrestle with God about. I had been wrestling for 4 months at this point. Ironically, Floyd and I finally made a decision about homeschooling just weeks before the leaders were to make their commitments. I was going to resign from my job, my very secure job. While other teachers are praying that they have a job, I was going to walk away. To say the least, if we wrote down a commitment of $5 it would be a stretch. That five dollars would have to come straight from the hands of God. Never the less, God gave us a number. I won’t go into detail but it’s definitely a far cry from $5.
So, where’s all this going? I have no idea! We made our commitment to the church and I’ve officially resigned from Sherman. I’ve registered the kids for a local homeschool group so that we’re connected and accountable. The kids and I are very excited. We even joke about having to live in a tent when we lose our house. My daughter has given our homeschool the name “Leap of Faith Christian Academy” because that’s exactly what we’re doing; taking a leap of faith.
I don’t know how it’s going to work out. I can’t do any magic math to make the finances work. When I think about the money, I’m terrified. I start to doubt whether I really heard God. Then I quickly remember the months of prayer and the tormenting. I am at peace with this decision (as long as I’m not focused on money). I feel in my soul that this is the right decision. I know it is completely illogical but I also know that God’s thoughts are higher than ours. It doesn’t have to make sense.
I feel like Abraham might have when God told him to leave his home. He had no idea where he was going but he went. Since I know that God never fails us, I can only sit back and wait to see His work in this. I’d really like a five or ten year plan (heck, at this point, one year would be nice) but He’s asking me to take one day at a time. I realize that it could be bad, from a worldly perspective. We may struggle financially or maybe He’ll move in ways that are beyond our imagination. Either way, as long as I’m in His hands, I will not fear!
Wrestling with God…anyone that goes to my church has heard that phrase more times this year than probably in their entire lives combined. My church has been on a journey of growth and change for quite a while and this year it really went big with the Movement to Multiply. The underlying point is a capital campaign to pay off debt and enable the church to grow out in abundance. In order to reach people for Christ, we must grow out, so it makes perfect sense. So Bruce (our senior pastor) began to ask everyone to commit to a deeper level of communication with God for a time period of 2 weeks. During this time you were to pray about how God might want you to be involved in this movement. Bruce called this “wrestling with God” and mentioned the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32.
Of course, Bruce had no idea that I’d been wrestling with God for months already! Back in January, I reached the point of total loss in how to help my son succeed in school. Driving from Sherman to McKinney is a long trip, so I decided that I’d drive in complete silence and listen for God to speak to me. I cried out, “Lord, my ideas are all gone; you have to tell me exactly what to do for my son!” (If you don’t know the background of my son, just know that school has always been a struggle for him and he’s 10 now.) As I drove along in silence, I was literally crying and waiting for God to speak to me. Now, I’ve prayed many times before and have felt the hands of God but I wouldn’t say that I’m really good at discerning His voice. Suddenly, more clear than at any other time in my life, God told me to homeschool my children (not just this son, all 3 children). Of course, I immediately began to argue with Him and doubt my sanity.
And thus began my adventure; my wrestling with God.
I have always worked. I’m a teacher because that’s what God told me to do. How could I stay home? We NEED my income! After moments of arguing and doubting, a name popped in my head; it was a friend from church (not a close friend but someone that I respected and would love to be better friends with). I didn’t even think I had her number. Finally, I checked my contacts and found her husband’s name. After a few more minutes of arguing, I dialed the number. Sure enough, she answered! She probably thought I was crazy. All I remember is telling her that God told me to call her and crying. She was so great! I gave her a little bit of the story and we made plans to get together the next week.
This friend gave me all sorts of information and committed to joining me in prayer about the situation. Since then, we’ve become better friends and I look forward to growing together. Also, I enlisted another friend (really a sister, just not biologically) to pray for this situation as well. I don’t have sufficient words to express my gratitude for their support and encouragement in this journey!
Surely I had lost my mind or hallucinated. I have a tendency to be extreme in everything, so maybe God just wanted me to make my kids a bigger priority and give up other commitments. Believe me; I looked for every possible way that I could have misunderstood God’s direction. I began to read a book called “Discerning the Voice of God,” started the study “Called and Accountable,” and prayed with everything I had. I really needed to know for sure that I had heard God.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to homeschool my kids. I know it would be good for them but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. What if I failed them? Could I really be organized and diligent enough to educate 3 children on my own? And of course, there’s that one HUGE problem. We NEED my income! At the point that this wrestling with God began, Floyd didn’t even have a job. Now he has a job and God has been gracious but it still couldn’t meet our needs on its own (at least not on paper).
All through my efforts to figure this out, the direction never changed. In fact, it just became more and more clear. God wants me to homeschool my kids. While Floyd knew that I was praying about this, I hadn’t really told him the depth of this issue. I was being tormented! That’s the best way I can describe it. My mind never had a moment’s peace! Finally, I had to tell him. I needed him to pray hard because I needed God to give him the answer. He’s the head of the house and God uses our spouses to communicate with us. I needed Floyd to be in this conversation. This is not a decision I could make on my own.
Meanwhile, the church wanted us to wrestle with God about the movement to multiply. To be frank, I really didn’t want another thing to wrestle with God about. I had been wrestling for 4 months at this point. Ironically, Floyd and I finally made a decision about homeschooling just weeks before the leaders were to make their commitments. I was going to resign from my job, my very secure job. While other teachers are praying that they have a job, I was going to walk away. To say the least, if we wrote down a commitment of $5 it would be a stretch. That five dollars would have to come straight from the hands of God. Never the less, God gave us a number. I won’t go into detail but it’s definitely a far cry from $5.
So, where’s all this going? I have no idea! We made our commitment to the church and I’ve officially resigned from Sherman. I’ve registered the kids for a local homeschool group so that we’re connected and accountable. The kids and I are very excited. We even joke about having to live in a tent when we lose our house. My daughter has given our homeschool the name “Leap of Faith Christian Academy” because that’s exactly what we’re doing; taking a leap of faith.
I don’t know how it’s going to work out. I can’t do any magic math to make the finances work. When I think about the money, I’m terrified. I start to doubt whether I really heard God. Then I quickly remember the months of prayer and the tormenting. I am at peace with this decision (as long as I’m not focused on money). I feel in my soul that this is the right decision. I know it is completely illogical but I also know that God’s thoughts are higher than ours. It doesn’t have to make sense.
I feel like Abraham might have when God told him to leave his home. He had no idea where he was going but he went. Since I know that God never fails us, I can only sit back and wait to see His work in this. I’d really like a five or ten year plan (heck, at this point, one year would be nice) but He’s asking me to take one day at a time. I realize that it could be bad, from a worldly perspective. We may struggle financially or maybe He’ll move in ways that are beyond our imagination. Either way, as long as I’m in His hands, I will not fear!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
breaking the silence
It's been months since I've actually said anything (at least on the blog). I have had a lot going through my mind but find that I'm being told to be quiet (or maybe I'm just reluctant to say what I'm really thinking). If you keep reading, prepare yourself because the gate has been opened and I do not know what might flow forth.
First, I've been wrestling with God for several months on a particular command that I heard quite clearly. It was one of the most clear moments of my life and yet it is also one of the scariest. Could He have really said what I heard? I must be completely confused! It makes absolutely no sense, at least from any human perspective. (Yes, I'm being vague and no, I won't come out in this post. It's not time yet but read on.) I've wrestled way more than I let on to anyone. I did finally open a little more to my dear friend Lisa and to Floyd. Once I did that, the decision came much faster. Floyd and I finally made a decision less than a week ago. Of course, only a few days later Floyd was hospitalized with Pancreatitis and it was plenty of reason for us to start doubting our decision. What would this be like if it had happened a few months from now? Throughout this past few days, God has demonstrated His active role in our lives. I can't even begin to tell all the amazing things He's done just in two days. Believe me, if you run into me around town, I might talk your ear off in my excitement! It seems to have confirmed our decision and we are still in agreement. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll know soon enough.
Second, I've had two things really bothering me for a couple of months now. First, I have come to appreciate audiobooks and having the Bible on cd. I listen to them as I drive to work and around town. A lot of my listening had to do with hearing the Holy Spirit and with the Apostles. After Jesus ascended to heaven and the Holy Spirit came, the people were on fire (not literally). The apostles set out to share the message and new believers were told to join in the effort. The people were radical. To everyone else they seemed completely crazy! The visual I have is someone adding feul to a fire and fanning the flames.
Now, in our world, it seems that we're always asking people to be logical. Someone shares something exciting and we start asking questions to see if it makes sense. We try to calm them down because of course we don't want others to think they're crazy. We don't want them to seem like a religious freak or a Bible beater. We're worried that it doesn't make financial sense or it doesn't look good on paper.
For the last few months I've had this on my mind. I don't want to be a calm-down kind of person. I want to hear someone's excitement and add fuel to the fire! Of course, I want to be directed by God but I'd rather err on the side of reacting with passion as opposed to looking at everything logically or not reacting at all out of fear or uncertainty. The Bible makes it clear that His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. It makes me wonder, if we can make sense of everything in our lives, maybe we're missing something. Maybe we haven't really been responding to His call. Something should be beyond our logic.
Now, I know some of you might be getting a little worried. I've never really been described as a calm person before and I really do enjoy being a bit crazy. I'm always telling my children that crazy is a good thing. I feel that it is only right to prepare them because with Floyd and I as their parents, they don't have much chance of not being crazy. (I know that sounds like I'm being silly but I mean it sincerely.) I wish I could offer you comfort but, alas, I cannot. I'm feeling a desire to be more radical. To step out more for God. To really lean on Him and respond to His calling and go wherever it leads. Who knows where that will take us.
The second thing on my mind is really just the result of some life lessons that I've experienced several times. This may be hard to explain, so bear with me. For some reason, one of the gifts that God has given me is to look at a situation and see it without any bias. I can have a conversation on any topic and get as heated as you can imagine and have no personal feelings of negativity towards anyone involved in the conversation. It really boils down to an ability to speak the truth without any strings attached. Often times this gets me in trouble. I really enjoy debate and I truely believe that to learn we must participate in active discourse with those who feel differently than we do. Unfortunately, I've learned that most people can't have a candid conversation without attaching feelings to it. It usually ends up in one of two ways. 1) I walk away feeling pumped up because I greatly enjoyed a great debate and now have more research to do. I have to go look into the points that the other person brought up because it's great for personal growth. The other person walks away feeling like we just got into a huge argument and they have hurt feelings or are angry or some other form of negative feelings. Or 2) I walk away feeling like I got no where because I was simply trying to point out a particular area that could be improved or done differently and the other person didn't seem to want to hear anything or thought I was just being difficult.
It's hard to get people to understand that you're just telling them what you see because it could make a difference. Of course, if they disagree with my thoughts, I'm okay with that. I just want to point it out and move on. I'd hate to regret it later because I didn't say something that could have made a difference. I'm always checking myself and praying for clarity on my motivation. Frequently, I just keep my mouth shut because I know that most people don't really want to hear the truth. Or they don't want to hear an opinion outside their own.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people do the same thing the same way simply because that's the way they do it. That makes absolutely no sense! If we want to be logical, we should start by recognizing that change is difficult but good. Also, I believe that variety is a good thing. Mix things up and keep people guessing. Our brain is so intricate. We need repition for learning but we also need variety for our imagination and to keep us interested. Also, God made people so different. We all have commonalities but we are created by a creative God. For example, we are all designed to live in relationship with others but we form relationships with different kinds of people and in different ways. I may connect more in a certain form that completely turns off another person. As a leader/teacher/etc. we must recognize this difference. We must look beyond our own method of connection and look pass the "squeaky wheels" (a term of endearment for those that speak up for themselves). Our first tendency is to teach/lead/communicate in the way that we prefer and the second is to respond to the requests of the "squeaky wheels." As a teacher, if I don't notice my quiet students that don't say much, they will leave my classroom having never made a connection. How sad that I missed such an amazing opportunity. The same could be said in a life group or church or any other setting.
Wow, I'm not even sure how many different tangents I've been on in this post but if you've read this far, I'd be glad to hear your thoughts. As stated above, I'm curious to hear if you agree or disagree with anything. :) Perhaps this longevity is the reason that I don't write often. Or maybe I should write more often to avoid this longevity :) Either way, so long for now.
First, I've been wrestling with God for several months on a particular command that I heard quite clearly. It was one of the most clear moments of my life and yet it is also one of the scariest. Could He have really said what I heard? I must be completely confused! It makes absolutely no sense, at least from any human perspective. (Yes, I'm being vague and no, I won't come out in this post. It's not time yet but read on.) I've wrestled way more than I let on to anyone. I did finally open a little more to my dear friend Lisa and to Floyd. Once I did that, the decision came much faster. Floyd and I finally made a decision less than a week ago. Of course, only a few days later Floyd was hospitalized with Pancreatitis and it was plenty of reason for us to start doubting our decision. What would this be like if it had happened a few months from now? Throughout this past few days, God has demonstrated His active role in our lives. I can't even begin to tell all the amazing things He's done just in two days. Believe me, if you run into me around town, I might talk your ear off in my excitement! It seems to have confirmed our decision and we are still in agreement. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll know soon enough.
Second, I've had two things really bothering me for a couple of months now. First, I have come to appreciate audiobooks and having the Bible on cd. I listen to them as I drive to work and around town. A lot of my listening had to do with hearing the Holy Spirit and with the Apostles. After Jesus ascended to heaven and the Holy Spirit came, the people were on fire (not literally). The apostles set out to share the message and new believers were told to join in the effort. The people were radical. To everyone else they seemed completely crazy! The visual I have is someone adding feul to a fire and fanning the flames.
Now, in our world, it seems that we're always asking people to be logical. Someone shares something exciting and we start asking questions to see if it makes sense. We try to calm them down because of course we don't want others to think they're crazy. We don't want them to seem like a religious freak or a Bible beater. We're worried that it doesn't make financial sense or it doesn't look good on paper.
For the last few months I've had this on my mind. I don't want to be a calm-down kind of person. I want to hear someone's excitement and add fuel to the fire! Of course, I want to be directed by God but I'd rather err on the side of reacting with passion as opposed to looking at everything logically or not reacting at all out of fear or uncertainty. The Bible makes it clear that His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. It makes me wonder, if we can make sense of everything in our lives, maybe we're missing something. Maybe we haven't really been responding to His call. Something should be beyond our logic.
Now, I know some of you might be getting a little worried. I've never really been described as a calm person before and I really do enjoy being a bit crazy. I'm always telling my children that crazy is a good thing. I feel that it is only right to prepare them because with Floyd and I as their parents, they don't have much chance of not being crazy. (I know that sounds like I'm being silly but I mean it sincerely.) I wish I could offer you comfort but, alas, I cannot. I'm feeling a desire to be more radical. To step out more for God. To really lean on Him and respond to His calling and go wherever it leads. Who knows where that will take us.
The second thing on my mind is really just the result of some life lessons that I've experienced several times. This may be hard to explain, so bear with me. For some reason, one of the gifts that God has given me is to look at a situation and see it without any bias. I can have a conversation on any topic and get as heated as you can imagine and have no personal feelings of negativity towards anyone involved in the conversation. It really boils down to an ability to speak the truth without any strings attached. Often times this gets me in trouble. I really enjoy debate and I truely believe that to learn we must participate in active discourse with those who feel differently than we do. Unfortunately, I've learned that most people can't have a candid conversation without attaching feelings to it. It usually ends up in one of two ways. 1) I walk away feeling pumped up because I greatly enjoyed a great debate and now have more research to do. I have to go look into the points that the other person brought up because it's great for personal growth. The other person walks away feeling like we just got into a huge argument and they have hurt feelings or are angry or some other form of negative feelings. Or 2) I walk away feeling like I got no where because I was simply trying to point out a particular area that could be improved or done differently and the other person didn't seem to want to hear anything or thought I was just being difficult.
It's hard to get people to understand that you're just telling them what you see because it could make a difference. Of course, if they disagree with my thoughts, I'm okay with that. I just want to point it out and move on. I'd hate to regret it later because I didn't say something that could have made a difference. I'm always checking myself and praying for clarity on my motivation. Frequently, I just keep my mouth shut because I know that most people don't really want to hear the truth. Or they don't want to hear an opinion outside their own.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people do the same thing the same way simply because that's the way they do it. That makes absolutely no sense! If we want to be logical, we should start by recognizing that change is difficult but good. Also, I believe that variety is a good thing. Mix things up and keep people guessing. Our brain is so intricate. We need repition for learning but we also need variety for our imagination and to keep us interested. Also, God made people so different. We all have commonalities but we are created by a creative God. For example, we are all designed to live in relationship with others but we form relationships with different kinds of people and in different ways. I may connect more in a certain form that completely turns off another person. As a leader/teacher/etc. we must recognize this difference. We must look beyond our own method of connection and look pass the "squeaky wheels" (a term of endearment for those that speak up for themselves). Our first tendency is to teach/lead/communicate in the way that we prefer and the second is to respond to the requests of the "squeaky wheels." As a teacher, if I don't notice my quiet students that don't say much, they will leave my classroom having never made a connection. How sad that I missed such an amazing opportunity. The same could be said in a life group or church or any other setting.
Wow, I'm not even sure how many different tangents I've been on in this post but if you've read this far, I'd be glad to hear your thoughts. As stated above, I'm curious to hear if you agree or disagree with anything. :) Perhaps this longevity is the reason that I don't write often. Or maybe I should write more often to avoid this longevity :) Either way, so long for now.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What am I thankful for???
Wow, how to narrow it down? I'm thankful for grace, for calm in the storm, for a stable job that gives me some purpose, for having a home and a car and food to eat and an electric bill.
For Floyd and the amazing friendship we have-he's my bff; he makes me laugh all the time, even when I don't want too; he lifts my spirit and stirs my soul when I get to hear him singing praise to my King; he ignores my crazy behavior; he shares in my joy and in my pain; he overlooks my flaws; he loves me as best he can; he loves God and is learning to love Him even more.
For Raegan, she cracks me up with her fancy vocabulary, amazes me with all her stories and creative ideas, touches my heart with her care and concern for others, and blesses me with mom and daughter time.
For Troy, he makes me laugh like nobody else can and doesn't even realize that he's funny, he teaches me patience and perseverance in working through his learning disabilities, he amazes me with his gentle and kind heart, he is a unique guy with so much character.
For Tyler, he makes me laugh because he is a clown and loves to entertain, he makes me feel special because he always wants to hug me and says he loves me at the most random times, he reminds me that time goes by so fast because he's the youngest.
For all 3 children because they all remind me that God makes every person different for a reason. Each one is perfect the way they are. God doesn't make mistakes so every detail in their personality is exactly the way it's suppose to be. I pray that we all remain healthy and live long enough to see how God is going to use all their little idiosyncrasies to benefit His kingdom.
For friends, God has blessed me with so many in the last few years. I cherish each one for different reasons. Just like I was saying about the kids, each friend has a special purpose in my life. I'm not a very good friend because I get busy and lose track of time (hours, days, weeks, and even months or years) yet my friends are still there. They reach out to me and don't let me get too far away. I am so grateful for that because I really do treasure each one. Though I think of them so often, I'm no good at reaching out and staying connected.
For God, He saved me, He forgives me, He builds me up and wants me to be better, He doesn't settle for less than my all, He loves me, He provides for all my needs, He created me, He saved my marriage and my family, He exceeds my expectations, He never fails, He never gives up, He is faithful, He has a plan for me and it is good, He gives me strength, He is.
For Floyd and the amazing friendship we have-he's my bff; he makes me laugh all the time, even when I don't want too; he lifts my spirit and stirs my soul when I get to hear him singing praise to my King; he ignores my crazy behavior; he shares in my joy and in my pain; he overlooks my flaws; he loves me as best he can; he loves God and is learning to love Him even more.
For Raegan, she cracks me up with her fancy vocabulary, amazes me with all her stories and creative ideas, touches my heart with her care and concern for others, and blesses me with mom and daughter time.
For Troy, he makes me laugh like nobody else can and doesn't even realize that he's funny, he teaches me patience and perseverance in working through his learning disabilities, he amazes me with his gentle and kind heart, he is a unique guy with so much character.
For Tyler, he makes me laugh because he is a clown and loves to entertain, he makes me feel special because he always wants to hug me and says he loves me at the most random times, he reminds me that time goes by so fast because he's the youngest.
For all 3 children because they all remind me that God makes every person different for a reason. Each one is perfect the way they are. God doesn't make mistakes so every detail in their personality is exactly the way it's suppose to be. I pray that we all remain healthy and live long enough to see how God is going to use all their little idiosyncrasies to benefit His kingdom.
For friends, God has blessed me with so many in the last few years. I cherish each one for different reasons. Just like I was saying about the kids, each friend has a special purpose in my life. I'm not a very good friend because I get busy and lose track of time (hours, days, weeks, and even months or years) yet my friends are still there. They reach out to me and don't let me get too far away. I am so grateful for that because I really do treasure each one. Though I think of them so often, I'm no good at reaching out and staying connected.
For God, He saved me, He forgives me, He builds me up and wants me to be better, He doesn't settle for less than my all, He loves me, He provides for all my needs, He created me, He saved my marriage and my family, He exceeds my expectations, He never fails, He never gives up, He is faithful, He has a plan for me and it is good, He gives me strength, He is.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
the clock keeps ticking
Wow, when I went on to post this blog I saw that my last post was in April. That's kind of sad. It seems that time passes way too quickly. All of my intentions may be great but what good are great intentions? The only thing that really counts is action. As I ponder all that has been accomplished in the last two months, so many of the things seem like forever ago. Even the last week of school seems like a distant memory. I can definitely say that last week at Camp His Way was amazing and I'll cherish those memories for a life time! It was also great preparation for my mission trip. I know that God had this in His plan all along.
As I spent time with those kids and prayed with them during chapel, I realized that I can reach out and share in the pain and suffering of others, I can share in their joy and celebrations, I guess I just learned that I really can share in their lives. This probably doesn't make sense, so here's my best attempt at explaining. I knew that could feel empathy or excitement for others but what I wasn't sure about was to go before my Father on their behalf, right then, out loud, in public, where they can hear me and I can totally get lost in the moment. I was amazed at how many times I was brought to tears while praying with these children. God gave me the words to say, just as he has so many times in the past. I know that when I'm out there in the middle of nowhere on that mission, I'll see so many things that I can't yet imagine but I also know that God will be there with the right words for the moment. Perhaps there won't be any words and he'll give me the right touch or look or who knows what. The point is, he'll provide. I have nothing to fear.
Floyd leaves for Uganda in 10 days. I am amazed how time has passed and God has changed us in so many ways. To look back on where we've been and how far away Floyd was, I am astonished by the changes. In ten days he'll get on a plane and travel half-way around the world to share the love of Christ. He doesn't like to fly; he had aboslutely no desire to ever leave the US for any reason, even leisure, let alone a mission; and we definitely are not in a position financially to make all of this happen. God has provided a great deal of his funding already and we're trusting that God will provide the rest in the next 10 days. It is all just so amazing.
Raegan and I will leave for South Dakota in 7 weeks. The more we learn about our destination, the more I realize what we're up against. When you here South Dakota you think, "ok, no big deal." I'm shocked to discover that our conditions there will be as bad as those in Uganda. The dark forces definitely have a stronghold. As we get closer, Raegan and I both get more nervous. We're trusting God to protect us and our team. We're praying that he'll prepare the hearts and minds of the people to hear and see His love through us.
Anyway, this is getting long and I really don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling. God's work in my life is beyond amazing and I could never express my gratitude sufficiently. Fortunately, I know that all I have to do is accept His grace.
As I spent time with those kids and prayed with them during chapel, I realized that I can reach out and share in the pain and suffering of others, I can share in their joy and celebrations, I guess I just learned that I really can share in their lives. This probably doesn't make sense, so here's my best attempt at explaining. I knew that could feel empathy or excitement for others but what I wasn't sure about was to go before my Father on their behalf, right then, out loud, in public, where they can hear me and I can totally get lost in the moment. I was amazed at how many times I was brought to tears while praying with these children. God gave me the words to say, just as he has so many times in the past. I know that when I'm out there in the middle of nowhere on that mission, I'll see so many things that I can't yet imagine but I also know that God will be there with the right words for the moment. Perhaps there won't be any words and he'll give me the right touch or look or who knows what. The point is, he'll provide. I have nothing to fear.
Floyd leaves for Uganda in 10 days. I am amazed how time has passed and God has changed us in so many ways. To look back on where we've been and how far away Floyd was, I am astonished by the changes. In ten days he'll get on a plane and travel half-way around the world to share the love of Christ. He doesn't like to fly; he had aboslutely no desire to ever leave the US for any reason, even leisure, let alone a mission; and we definitely are not in a position financially to make all of this happen. God has provided a great deal of his funding already and we're trusting that God will provide the rest in the next 10 days. It is all just so amazing.
Raegan and I will leave for South Dakota in 7 weeks. The more we learn about our destination, the more I realize what we're up against. When you here South Dakota you think, "ok, no big deal." I'm shocked to discover that our conditions there will be as bad as those in Uganda. The dark forces definitely have a stronghold. As we get closer, Raegan and I both get more nervous. We're trusting God to protect us and our team. We're praying that he'll prepare the hearts and minds of the people to hear and see His love through us.
Anyway, this is getting long and I really don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling. God's work in my life is beyond amazing and I could never express my gratitude sufficiently. Fortunately, I know that all I have to do is accept His grace.
Friday, April 16, 2010
my mission field
I'm a math teacher because God told me that's what he wanted me to do. Believe me, I fought it. I thought of plenty of other things I could do to work and make a difference but I knew what I was "supposed" to do. Finally, I accepted it and I've been doing it now for 6 years. Even though teen-agers bring plenty of challenges (especially mass quantities of other people's teen-agers) I always have peace and comfort because I know this is what God wants me to do.
However, I have another desire. It's to go out into the world and introduce people to Christ. To be His hands and feet! Don't misunderstand me, I'm terrified of it! BUT I totally long to do it. When my kids are older, I want to be financially free (no debt and all that), so that I can use all that time off that teachers get to be on mission for God. Don't get me wrong, with so many kids coming through my door everyday, I know that God can use me in His own way to reach them. I definitely pray that he does. I know I don't measure up and I need to keep working on it. But for some reason the foreign mission field just calls my name. I don't ever see myself not teaching, so I'm not really thinking that a long term mission is calling my name. But I can see multitudes of short term trips. I know that everyday is a gift from God, so I could not even be on this planet long enough to see my children grown but if God leaves me here, I want to make a difference. An eternal difference!
Now to completely turn the topic, in my desire to go on mission trips in the future, I have to pay attention that I'm not missing my role right now. My classroom is a mission field and I must keep that in the front of my mind at all times. I admit, I don't think I do that great of a job. I know I've made a difference for some kids but I'm not on fire like I should be. If you're reading this, please pray that I respond to this calling with more passion and energy! Pray for me to be more focused and dilligent.
However, I have another desire. It's to go out into the world and introduce people to Christ. To be His hands and feet! Don't misunderstand me, I'm terrified of it! BUT I totally long to do it. When my kids are older, I want to be financially free (no debt and all that), so that I can use all that time off that teachers get to be on mission for God. Don't get me wrong, with so many kids coming through my door everyday, I know that God can use me in His own way to reach them. I definitely pray that he does. I know I don't measure up and I need to keep working on it. But for some reason the foreign mission field just calls my name. I don't ever see myself not teaching, so I'm not really thinking that a long term mission is calling my name. But I can see multitudes of short term trips. I know that everyday is a gift from God, so I could not even be on this planet long enough to see my children grown but if God leaves me here, I want to make a difference. An eternal difference!
Now to completely turn the topic, in my desire to go on mission trips in the future, I have to pay attention that I'm not missing my role right now. My classroom is a mission field and I must keep that in the front of my mind at all times. I admit, I don't think I do that great of a job. I know I've made a difference for some kids but I'm not on fire like I should be. If you're reading this, please pray that I respond to this calling with more passion and energy! Pray for me to be more focused and dilligent.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
what character are you displaying?
So, as mentioned before, I've been running at a somewhat superficial level for a few weeks now. Not that I haven't done any good thinking but nothing that has caused me to really reflect. Well, today my little mind has been spinning! This is where I'm going to hash out these thoughts. Keep in mind, they're not completely processed yet. These thoughts just seem to really be getting my attention, so perhaps they'll be of use to one of us.
Here goes: I frequently find myself considering God's character. Whenever I have to make a decision or I'm pondering something, I ask myself how the situation and each choice would line up with God's character. While God's specific actions may be different, he never acts outside his character.While he may not directly give me a how to for every situation, He has set a precedent through his steadfast character. I LOVE that about Him!
This made me wonder, do my words and actions portray the character that I want to have? Obviously, my words and actions display the truth of my heart (this is way too complicated a topic to try to explain, so yes, I'm generalizing, keeping in mind that sometimes our actions do not line up with our desires, see Roman 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.")
I want to be considered a servant of God first of all, then I'd like to be seen as loyal, steadfast, diligent, helpful, loving, generous, energetic, spontaneous. When I'm thought of, I want it to be known that I follow through, I do what I say I'm gonna do, I'm not afraid to go all out for God or for anyone in need. I want others to see me making every moment count. I don't want to wake up someday and say "I wish I hadn't said no to ..."
While the list is quite long, I think they all have merit. Of course, they are not necessarily in order of importance or anything. It seems to me that our character is not defined by the big moments. It's easy to do the right thing when there's a lot on the line. It's easy to make the choice when everyone is watching or when you know it's a big deal. What really shows our character is the little things. Do I do the right thing in the small moments, when no one's watching? Do I say yes to God when no one else will ever know? Do I follow through time after time? It seems that consistency is the real revealer. God is consistent. He was, He is, and always will be. The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In order to know that our own character has been refined, we must look for consistency.
Give it some thought. What character do you display? Is it who you want others to see?
Here goes: I frequently find myself considering God's character. Whenever I have to make a decision or I'm pondering something, I ask myself how the situation and each choice would line up with God's character. While God's specific actions may be different, he never acts outside his character.While he may not directly give me a how to for every situation, He has set a precedent through his steadfast character. I LOVE that about Him!
This made me wonder, do my words and actions portray the character that I want to have? Obviously, my words and actions display the truth of my heart (this is way too complicated a topic to try to explain, so yes, I'm generalizing, keeping in mind that sometimes our actions do not line up with our desires, see Roman 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.")
I want to be considered a servant of God first of all, then I'd like to be seen as loyal, steadfast, diligent, helpful, loving, generous, energetic, spontaneous. When I'm thought of, I want it to be known that I follow through, I do what I say I'm gonna do, I'm not afraid to go all out for God or for anyone in need. I want others to see me making every moment count. I don't want to wake up someday and say "I wish I hadn't said no to ..."
While the list is quite long, I think they all have merit. Of course, they are not necessarily in order of importance or anything. It seems to me that our character is not defined by the big moments. It's easy to do the right thing when there's a lot on the line. It's easy to make the choice when everyone is watching or when you know it's a big deal. What really shows our character is the little things. Do I do the right thing in the small moments, when no one's watching? Do I say yes to God when no one else will ever know? Do I follow through time after time? It seems that consistency is the real revealer. God is consistent. He was, He is, and always will be. The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In order to know that our own character has been refined, we must look for consistency.
Give it some thought. What character do you display? Is it who you want others to see?
Monday, February 22, 2010
a lack of thoughts
So, I realize that I haven't posted a blog in a while. Really that's not a big deal. I never did it before. In my teen years, I wrote in a journal every single day just to sum up what was on my mind. It's kind of nice to have them to go back and look at. During my separation from Floyd, I also kept a journal. Not every single day but periodically. It was my escape. It allowed me to get out all the stuff I wanted to say but God told me was a bad idea. It is also nice to look back on. The moments might have been bad but the lessons learned have so much value.
I guess what has me astonished today is that I haven't really had anything on my mind in weeks. It seems that life and time are flying by. Perhaps I'm so caught up that I haven't slowed down long enough to think. In some ways it's good but in others it's bad. Right now, I'm looking at a couple of hours of working on the finances (my financial peace university homework). Since I was voted the nerd for this year, I'll be doing the groundwork and Floyd will just be adding in his occassional opinion. It's really interesting how well we can trade off the roles. We're pretty good at it.
Anyway, since I've been puzzled by my lack of thoughts for a few weeks now, I decided to document it. Perhaps next time I'll be more interesting!
I guess what has me astonished today is that I haven't really had anything on my mind in weeks. It seems that life and time are flying by. Perhaps I'm so caught up that I haven't slowed down long enough to think. In some ways it's good but in others it's bad. Right now, I'm looking at a couple of hours of working on the finances (my financial peace university homework). Since I was voted the nerd for this year, I'll be doing the groundwork and Floyd will just be adding in his occassional opinion. It's really interesting how well we can trade off the roles. We're pretty good at it.
Anyway, since I've been puzzled by my lack of thoughts for a few weeks now, I decided to document it. Perhaps next time I'll be more interesting!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
"Bring The Rain"
As I've mentioned many times, I love music. I love that the lyrics say things that I might not ever put into words and how the power of a great song can stop me in my tracks at any moment. I can be anywhere and suddenly I'm compelled to stop and lift my hands, close my eyes, and praise. I LOVE IT! Countless times I've been driving down the road, just listening to whatever comes on the radio and suddenly find myself moved to tears. I love that God speaks to me through the music and the music allows me to worship and praise Him in amazing ways.
I'm a lyrics person. I know others that just enjoy the tune and the flow of the song. I do understand that. I love a good beat, a nice rhythm, or kickin' drum or guitar solo. Heck, a good friend of mine frequently points out that I am prone to spontaneous dancing at any time, in any place. No one else hears the music but I'm dancing to the song in my head. This is true, I won't deny it, but when it's all said and done, I'm all about the lyrics.
So...finally, hears what's been on my mind for a few days.
In a song by Mercy Me, the lyrics go like this:
"Bring me joy, Bring me peace,
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus, bring the rain
The first time this song got my attention I was in a women's prison with a ministry team. We were there to paint the cell walls and were allowed to bring in a guitar to lead some worship music. We sang all sorts of songs but when these ladies sang this particular song, it got my attention. They belted it out. Throughout the entire cell, women were letting it out. These women knew pain, they new what it was like to be without freedom. Some of them have found what true freedom is-even in a jail cell. These women have been in the rain, many of them in worse storms than I've ever found myself. Yet, they sang these words and they meant it. You could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices.
Now, suddenly this week, this song has popped back in my head. I haven't even heard it in a while but I can't forget the words. To truly worship God during our times of pain and suffering is the greatest honor. It demonstrates our true love for and understanding of our savior, Jesus Christ. So, I considered these words and I wondered, could I make these words my prayer? Am I willing to say, "if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus, bring the rain?" At this point in my life, I am. I'd rather be with Jesus in the worst situation than be in the best place this world can offer without Him.
This has really been on my heart for a few days, so I'd ask you to consider it. Would you ask Jesus to bring the rain? If not, how can you get to that point? What's stopping you?
I'm a lyrics person. I know others that just enjoy the tune and the flow of the song. I do understand that. I love a good beat, a nice rhythm, or kickin' drum or guitar solo. Heck, a good friend of mine frequently points out that I am prone to spontaneous dancing at any time, in any place. No one else hears the music but I'm dancing to the song in my head. This is true, I won't deny it, but when it's all said and done, I'm all about the lyrics.
So...finally, hears what's been on my mind for a few days.
In a song by Mercy Me, the lyrics go like this:
"Bring me joy, Bring me peace,
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus, bring the rain
The first time this song got my attention I was in a women's prison with a ministry team. We were there to paint the cell walls and were allowed to bring in a guitar to lead some worship music. We sang all sorts of songs but when these ladies sang this particular song, it got my attention. They belted it out. Throughout the entire cell, women were letting it out. These women knew pain, they new what it was like to be without freedom. Some of them have found what true freedom is-even in a jail cell. These women have been in the rain, many of them in worse storms than I've ever found myself. Yet, they sang these words and they meant it. You could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices.
Now, suddenly this week, this song has popped back in my head. I haven't even heard it in a while but I can't forget the words. To truly worship God during our times of pain and suffering is the greatest honor. It demonstrates our true love for and understanding of our savior, Jesus Christ. So, I considered these words and I wondered, could I make these words my prayer? Am I willing to say, "if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus, bring the rain?" At this point in my life, I am. I'd rather be with Jesus in the worst situation than be in the best place this world can offer without Him.
This has really been on my heart for a few days, so I'd ask you to consider it. Would you ask Jesus to bring the rain? If not, how can you get to that point? What's stopping you?
Monday, January 25, 2010
What is your worldview?
As you may know, I'm working on my Master's in Special Education. In my last class, the final paper was a book critique of "The Pattern of God's Truth." At the end of our critique, we were supposed explain our worldview. After re-visiting my paper yesterday, I decided to post some of it here. Mostly just to remind myself. So here goes:
A Biblical Worldview
A worldview is the outlook that a person has based on their beliefs regarding where they come from, who they are, and how they relate to the world. If a person has a Biblical worldview, they believe that the words of the Bible are truth. More specifically, they believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God impressed upon the authors to write down for future generations to possess. Once a person claims a Biblical worldview, certain beliefs become foundational. First of all, they believe that the earth and all its inhabitants were created by God. Also, humans were created in the image of God. Second, they believe that human beings have a sinful nature and were separated from a relationship with God after the original sin. Third, they believe that Jesus Christ came to this earth and lived a perfect life. Then he was crucified on the cross, put in a tomb, and rose three days later. The purpose of his death and resurrection was to atone for the sins of every human being that they may have a renewed relationship with God. Jesus says in John 6:38 and 40, “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me...For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day” (The Living Application Study Bible, New International Version, p. 1888).
In addition to those basic truths, having a Biblical worldview also means that a person basis all knowledge and truth on what is found to be true in the Bible. The place to seek knowledge and answers on any topic is the Bible. In addition to seeking answers from the Bible, those with a Biblical worldview relate all knowledge to the Bible. For example, when discussing a scientific theory, it is necessary to match the plausibility of this theory with the truth found in the Bible. If any detail of the theory is in contrast to the truth of the Bible, then the theory is discredited and, therefore, thrown out by those with a Biblical worldview.
As a believer in God, I personally have a Biblical worldview. I have known the Lord as my savior since a young age and experienced his power as an adult. Because of this view, I hold the truth of the Bible as the standard by which everything else is judged. If I did not have this belief then I would have to trust that Science is correct or look for some other standard by which to make decisions. Every person must decide for themselves what standard is true. All knowledge and beliefs are looked at from the perspective of a person’s worldview.
I hope that my daily walk demonstrates this worldview. When it is my time to leave this earth, I want everyone to be clear why I was here. May my life leave no room for doubt!
A Biblical Worldview
A worldview is the outlook that a person has based on their beliefs regarding where they come from, who they are, and how they relate to the world. If a person has a Biblical worldview, they believe that the words of the Bible are truth. More specifically, they believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God impressed upon the authors to write down for future generations to possess. Once a person claims a Biblical worldview, certain beliefs become foundational. First of all, they believe that the earth and all its inhabitants were created by God. Also, humans were created in the image of God. Second, they believe that human beings have a sinful nature and were separated from a relationship with God after the original sin. Third, they believe that Jesus Christ came to this earth and lived a perfect life. Then he was crucified on the cross, put in a tomb, and rose three days later. The purpose of his death and resurrection was to atone for the sins of every human being that they may have a renewed relationship with God. Jesus says in John 6:38 and 40, “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me...For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day” (The Living Application Study Bible, New International Version, p. 1888).
In addition to those basic truths, having a Biblical worldview also means that a person basis all knowledge and truth on what is found to be true in the Bible. The place to seek knowledge and answers on any topic is the Bible. In addition to seeking answers from the Bible, those with a Biblical worldview relate all knowledge to the Bible. For example, when discussing a scientific theory, it is necessary to match the plausibility of this theory with the truth found in the Bible. If any detail of the theory is in contrast to the truth of the Bible, then the theory is discredited and, therefore, thrown out by those with a Biblical worldview.
As a believer in God, I personally have a Biblical worldview. I have known the Lord as my savior since a young age and experienced his power as an adult. Because of this view, I hold the truth of the Bible as the standard by which everything else is judged. If I did not have this belief then I would have to trust that Science is correct or look for some other standard by which to make decisions. Every person must decide for themselves what standard is true. All knowledge and beliefs are looked at from the perspective of a person’s worldview.
I hope that my daily walk demonstrates this worldview. When it is my time to leave this earth, I want everyone to be clear why I was here. May my life leave no room for doubt!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Threads of Gratitude, 01-11-10
I have no idea if anyone actually reads my ramblings but just in case, I'll give a little back history. It is possible that through someone you know at church you have seen the "threads of gratitude" in your inbox. Almost two years ago Lisa Stone started this thread. She and I and several other dear friends were in a Bible study together on Wednesday nights. One Monday she sent out an email sharing a list of some things she was grateful for. She was nervous about the reaction and being considered "a dork" but she felt that God was asking her to do this. To her surprise, everyone responded with what they were grateful for and was so excited to receive the email. Lisa continued to send a new email of gratitude every Monday. Eventually Lisa felt God directing her to spread the gratitude further, so she encouraged us all to add new people to the thread and forward it on. To this day, Lisa still sends out a thread every Monday, I only know of once that she missed because she was in the middle of nowhere without a computer (that's over 100 threads of gratitude). At this point, we don't even know how many people get it or where it ends up. It has been a great joy in my life because I look forward to hearing what others are grateful for and how God is working in all of our lives. For some reason, I felt led to post today's thread here in my blog. Perhaps it is something I will start to do so that I can look back at the gratitude of the past. If you'd like to be added to my thread, let me know and I'll make sure I have your email address.
So here is today's:
Good evening Friends, it's Monday. In fact, Monday's almost over. I'm sorry that I missed this last week. We were on the road and with family for the funeral and I never got around to sending the email. I did think about what I was grateful for though! So here we go for this week:
Father, today I am grateful for the amazing amount of memory space you have given me. I wish I had been using it to know your word for all of these years but I'm glad that you have brought me back to this simple challenge. I remember as a child we always memorized scripture but I never really tried as an adult. I LOVE that I have fresh thoughts from you rolling around in my head!
Most High, I am grateful for the desire to share you with others. You have taken me out of my comfort zone to speak to strangers twice in the last week and I have been blessed both times! Thank you and I pray that it continues.
Lord, thank you for giving me direction in my life. To know where you want me and enjoy being there is such a blessing. When the days are long and the children are irritating it is so much easier to stay the course knowing that you put me there. I am surprised by how much I enjoy it and that I don't ever desire to quit, even on the worst days.
Father, thank you for connections and easy ways to communicate with friends. It is so great to run into people and catch up knowing that you put us on a path to intercept each other!
Lastly but perhaps of most significance, thank you for your faithfulness! We know that your plan is for good and everything happens in your time. Life is so much better knowing that you will never fail us. You always answer our prayers just maybe not the way we want. I am grateful to know that you love us enough to not give us what we want but instead to give us what we need and what is best!
Friends, take some time to think about what you are grateful for and share with me if you feel led to do so!
So here is today's:
Good evening Friends, it's Monday. In fact, Monday's almost over. I'm sorry that I missed this last week. We were on the road and with family for the funeral and I never got around to sending the email. I did think about what I was grateful for though! So here we go for this week:
Father, today I am grateful for the amazing amount of memory space you have given me. I wish I had been using it to know your word for all of these years but I'm glad that you have brought me back to this simple challenge. I remember as a child we always memorized scripture but I never really tried as an adult. I LOVE that I have fresh thoughts from you rolling around in my head!
Most High, I am grateful for the desire to share you with others. You have taken me out of my comfort zone to speak to strangers twice in the last week and I have been blessed both times! Thank you and I pray that it continues.
Lord, thank you for giving me direction in my life. To know where you want me and enjoy being there is such a blessing. When the days are long and the children are irritating it is so much easier to stay the course knowing that you put me there. I am surprised by how much I enjoy it and that I don't ever desire to quit, even on the worst days.
Father, thank you for connections and easy ways to communicate with friends. It is so great to run into people and catch up knowing that you put us on a path to intercept each other!
Lastly but perhaps of most significance, thank you for your faithfulness! We know that your plan is for good and everything happens in your time. Life is so much better knowing that you will never fail us. You always answer our prayers just maybe not the way we want. I am grateful to know that you love us enough to not give us what we want but instead to give us what we need and what is best!
Friends, take some time to think about what you are grateful for and share with me if you feel led to do so!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
seems so long
Well, last time I wrote I mentioned that when Monday came I'd be back to busyness. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. On New Year's Day, Floyd I. Stanley Sr passed away. We drove to Arkansas on Monday to be with the family and attend the funeral.
If you were at that funeral, you probably would have had many of the same thoughts that I had. You see, Floyd was a pastor for many decades. More than a pastor, he was a student of God's word. He wrote many books about what he learned and taught many classes. At one point he could quote the entire Bible, literally. He knew it all by memory. At his funeral there were so many people that spoke about his devotion to the Lord. No one could doubt what the purpose of his life was. The number of people that could share Floyd's role in their life is amazing. He shared the gospel with too many people to ever count.
When I die, I know what I want my funeral to be like. You may think I'm kidding but just ask Floyd (my Floyd, Floyd III) or my kids and they'll tell you. I even have a running list of the songs I want people to sing. Not because I want to die but because I hope people know what my life is about. When I do go home for eternity, it will be just like all those before me. Those left behind will be sad but I'll finally meet my savior face to face. I hope in the meantime that I can be more like Christ every day; that I can share the gospel with the same passion that Floyd Sr did; that when others are asked to describe me whatever they say some how ties to my love of the Lord.
Of course,I hope it's not soon, I'd like to be here to see my children grow up and have their own. I'd like to do a lot of things. Those that know me well know that I'm always up for an adventure.
I pray that the Lord uses my life and that I always say yes to the adventure that He puts before me. I can't think of anyone better to plan the trip of a life!
While I'm babbling on today, I'd also like to share a little of my thoughts about my heart's prayer for day 3. So many times we focus on certain big events and spend our daily lives caught up in all the routines and mundane happenings. We're just busy going through life and we lose track. So here's my prayer...
Lord, Open my eyes to what you put in my path. I pray that I say YES when you call me in big ways and in small every day ways. Help me to focus my life on what is important. I want to live my life on a mission for your kingdom. Give me your eyes Lord! Let me see others the way you do. Let me see what you see as I walk down the hall ways at work and drive down the highway. Lord, when I see, move me to action! Give me the courage to say those words or reach out and touch. May my fear for those living without you be greater than my fear of speaking up or putting myself out there. All of this I ask in your precious son's name, Amen.
If you were at that funeral, you probably would have had many of the same thoughts that I had. You see, Floyd was a pastor for many decades. More than a pastor, he was a student of God's word. He wrote many books about what he learned and taught many classes. At one point he could quote the entire Bible, literally. He knew it all by memory. At his funeral there were so many people that spoke about his devotion to the Lord. No one could doubt what the purpose of his life was. The number of people that could share Floyd's role in their life is amazing. He shared the gospel with too many people to ever count.
When I die, I know what I want my funeral to be like. You may think I'm kidding but just ask Floyd (my Floyd, Floyd III) or my kids and they'll tell you. I even have a running list of the songs I want people to sing. Not because I want to die but because I hope people know what my life is about. When I do go home for eternity, it will be just like all those before me. Those left behind will be sad but I'll finally meet my savior face to face. I hope in the meantime that I can be more like Christ every day; that I can share the gospel with the same passion that Floyd Sr did; that when others are asked to describe me whatever they say some how ties to my love of the Lord.
Of course,I hope it's not soon, I'd like to be here to see my children grow up and have their own. I'd like to do a lot of things. Those that know me well know that I'm always up for an adventure.
I pray that the Lord uses my life and that I always say yes to the adventure that He puts before me. I can't think of anyone better to plan the trip of a life!
While I'm babbling on today, I'd also like to share a little of my thoughts about my heart's prayer for day 3. So many times we focus on certain big events and spend our daily lives caught up in all the routines and mundane happenings. We're just busy going through life and we lose track. So here's my prayer...
Lord, Open my eyes to what you put in my path. I pray that I say YES when you call me in big ways and in small every day ways. Help me to focus my life on what is important. I want to live my life on a mission for your kingdom. Give me your eyes Lord! Let me see others the way you do. Let me see what you see as I walk down the hall ways at work and drive down the highway. Lord, when I see, move me to action! Give me the courage to say those words or reach out and touch. May my fear for those living without you be greater than my fear of speaking up or putting myself out there. All of this I ask in your precious son's name, Amen.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
nothing specific
So, I've been working on being more productive while I'm at home. I know that as soon as Monday arrives, I'll be busy again. It will be too easy to slip back into old habits. This is not about a new year starting, I don't really make resolutions. It just so happens that I've been doing some thinking while home for the holiday break. I realized that I try to fit a lot into my schedule. Even if I just narrow it down to the priorities: time with God, time with family, exercise, and work a lot of time is eaten away. I will keep thinking on how to fit it all in.
At this point I have come to realize that working out in the morning is absolutely necessary. I'm not necessarily happy about this realization but it is what it is. If I wait until after work, there are too many days where it doesn't happen. Also, I know from experience that when I do exercise in the morning, I feel great! I love the feeling of accomplishment before the sun rises. Also, I am not as rushed from over sleeping and I get to work on time. These are all perfectly good reasons to get up and hit the pavement. So, that will be my biggest goal for January. I'm sure that if I can finish a month of it, it will be easier to stick with.
So, that's it I guess, work out in the mornings and continue to work on memorizing scripture. That will be my main goals.
At this point I have come to realize that working out in the morning is absolutely necessary. I'm not necessarily happy about this realization but it is what it is. If I wait until after work, there are too many days where it doesn't happen. Also, I know from experience that when I do exercise in the morning, I feel great! I love the feeling of accomplishment before the sun rises. Also, I am not as rushed from over sleeping and I get to work on time. These are all perfectly good reasons to get up and hit the pavement. So, that will be my biggest goal for January. I'm sure that if I can finish a month of it, it will be easier to stick with.
So, that's it I guess, work out in the mornings and continue to work on memorizing scripture. That will be my main goals.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Follow Up
I am 30 now! I'm not sure why I'm excited about that. I know some people don't feel so positive about it but I'm ecstatic. I don't think it really has to do with the number, it's just that I feel better than I did at 25 and am actually in better shape than when I was 20 or any time since then. My husband and girlfriends surprised me with the most awesome party. It was a girls night out. Grethel cooked dinner for my family to eat with hers. I couldn't have planned anything better if I had tried! It was just another reminder of all the wonderful gifts God has given me.
For the holiday challenge, I'm not doing so well on the physical part. I have been working out at least once or twice a week but I haven't gotten in my 12 miles a week. I am so far behind on school work that I cannot do anything else. I shouldn't even be typing this right now.
On the relationship part, we haven't had our date night yet but we are doing great!
On the spiritual part, we are starting our study next week. In the mean time, I'm just trying to focus on prayer request and memorizing scripture. I have found that when I have a memory verse to focus on, it helps me get into scripture better. I figured that out with the Romans series at church. I had those 6 scriptures memorized in no time, then I was kind of bummed that I didn't have anymore to memorize for a while.
Anyway, back to school work...
For the holiday challenge, I'm not doing so well on the physical part. I have been working out at least once or twice a week but I haven't gotten in my 12 miles a week. I am so far behind on school work that I cannot do anything else. I shouldn't even be typing this right now.
On the relationship part, we haven't had our date night yet but we are doing great!
On the spiritual part, we are starting our study next week. In the mean time, I'm just trying to focus on prayer request and memorizing scripture. I have found that when I have a memory verse to focus on, it helps me get into scripture better. I figured that out with the Romans series at church. I had those 6 scriptures memorized in no time, then I was kind of bummed that I didn't have anymore to memorize for a while.
Anyway, back to school work...
Monday, December 7, 2009
checking in
It's Monday night (I starting typing Tuesday and then realized it wasn't yet)! I'm tired and I have so much to do. I did get on the treadmill last night. I didn't tonight but am hoping to do something in the morning.
If I can get through the next two weeks, things will be much calmer. This week is Christmas Festival and I have to write the Algebra final exam so that it can be modified and accommodated. I also need to make reviews for the students. As much as I hate it, I also need to grade all the quizzes and work that my students have turned in this week. In my class, I have 5 comparative papers, two discussion board posts, and my final paper all do by December 20th!
To top it all off, I'll be 30 next Tuesday. I'm actually kind of excited about it. I'm not sure why. I know nothing will be different, it's just a number. But entering a new decade is kind of fun. After all I've learned in my twenties, I'm sure the thirties will be quite a ride!!!
If I can get through the next two weeks, things will be much calmer. This week is Christmas Festival and I have to write the Algebra final exam so that it can be modified and accommodated. I also need to make reviews for the students. As much as I hate it, I also need to grade all the quizzes and work that my students have turned in this week. In my class, I have 5 comparative papers, two discussion board posts, and my final paper all do by December 20th!
To top it all off, I'll be 30 next Tuesday. I'm actually kind of excited about it. I'm not sure why. I know nothing will be different, it's just a number. But entering a new decade is kind of fun. After all I've learned in my twenties, I'm sure the thirties will be quite a ride!!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Holiday Challenge...
So, after reading another blog, I decided to participate in a holiday challenge. You can read about this challenge here: http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/11/ragamuffin-soul-30-day-holiday-health-challenge
For this challenge, I have set the following three goals.
Physical: since the evenings are too insane, I'd like to work on getting up to exercise in the morning at least three times a week. My goal is to get in 12 miles a week total. If I did get up early 3 days a week, I could get at least 8-10 miles in the mornings. (Just so we're clear, to work out in the morning, I'd have to be on my feet and moving by 5am.)
Spiritual: Floyd and I are going to start a study on Revelation after Christmas Festival. Until then, I'd like to work on a few memory verses.
Relational: Once the Christmas Festival is over, we definitely need a date night. It's been a few months since we had an official date night, so we're past due.
I'll check back in at least two times a week to prove to myself that I can do this.
For this challenge, I have set the following three goals.
Physical: since the evenings are too insane, I'd like to work on getting up to exercise in the morning at least three times a week. My goal is to get in 12 miles a week total. If I did get up early 3 days a week, I could get at least 8-10 miles in the mornings. (Just so we're clear, to work out in the morning, I'd have to be on my feet and moving by 5am.)
Spiritual: Floyd and I are going to start a study on Revelation after Christmas Festival. Until then, I'd like to work on a few memory verses.
Relational: Once the Christmas Festival is over, we definitely need a date night. It's been a few months since we had an official date night, so we're past due.
I'll check back in at least two times a week to prove to myself that I can do this.
Pardoned By The Light
pardoned-noun
1.a release from the penalty of an offense
2.forgiveness of a serious offense or offender.
The Light-Jesus
John 1:9&12 The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was going to come into the world...But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.
John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I am truly amazed by the most gracious gift that I have ever received. The God of this universe sent His son to take the punishment that I justly deserved. Because of Jesus Christ I am pardoned for everything that I have done and everything I will do. And so are you! Jesus brings us out of the dark. We do not have to hide in our guilt and shame. We have the light!
1.a release from the penalty of an offense
2.forgiveness of a serious offense or offender.
The Light-Jesus
John 1:9&12 The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was going to come into the world...But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.
John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I am truly amazed by the most gracious gift that I have ever received. The God of this universe sent His son to take the punishment that I justly deserved. Because of Jesus Christ I am pardoned for everything that I have done and everything I will do. And so are you! Jesus brings us out of the dark. We do not have to hide in our guilt and shame. We have the light!
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